Creating Meaning
As someone who spends an awful lot of time thinking, as you can imagine I contemplate the meaning of life quite often.
Some days I am able to find meaning in everything, everywhere I look. In every animal, in every person, in every view. Other days I can’t find meaning anywhere, no matter how hard I try.
Maybe meaning can only be found in action, in living life by experiencing new things and staying busy. Maybe meaning can only be found in seeking to understand all things and all people. Maybe religious people are right and meaning can only be found in believing. Maybe there really is no meaning to anything and life is a mere coincidence. I am entirely unsure.
I don’t understand why humans are made to think when animals are not. Honestly, I hardly believe anything I read anymore, it seems that everything is untrue until it is eventually discovered or proven. Instead of saying ‘think’ so broadly, I’ll say critically think, ponder, and spend time assigning meaning to things. From what I know as of now, animals don’t seem to be doing this. Who honestly knows though? Not me.
What was that thing that famous philosopher said, oh yeah, “All I know is that I know nothing.” Thanks, Socrates. Does this make me smart or incredibly stupid to believe? Either way, I feel this way all of the time. I’ve always loved philosophy, maybe it’s my turn to start writing out some incredibly vague but meaningful truths for the world to see.
Regardless, yes, I ponder the meaning of everything around me frankly all the time. It’s why I don’t subscribe to the vices that most people do, the short-term pleasures that everyone else seems to enjoy. Unless I am absolutely desperate in my weakest moment, I frankly don’t care to do things that I see no long-term value and meaning in.
I don’t say this sitting on my high horse and thinking that I’m better than anyone around me. Realistically most times it isn’t even an active choice anymore, it’s just simply how my brain is wired. For example, in the same way that most brains learn to wire 2 plus 2 to equal 4, my brain is now wired to equate short-term pleasures and immediate gratification to long-term dissatisfaction.
Maybe I just never had the same enjoyable experiences with short-term moments as everyone else seems to. Or maybe I saw a lot at a young age and have never been able to unsee it.
Regardless of the reasoning I believe this has led me to live my life in ways quite different from most people around me. Whether it be no social media, barely ever consuming alcohol, or not partaking in hookups, I am questioned over and over for the choices I make on a day-to-day basis. I have always found this strange. Not because I’m shy to answer questions, but because I don’t understand the appeal these things have to other people.
Believe me, I understand the desire to have a day of binge-watching and doomscrolling on TikTok, I understand the pull towards wanting to have fun regardless of what is going on, and I understand how nice it is to feel wanted. I’m not saying that I haven’t tried out the various forms of coping and escapism that run rampant around me. But never have I ever seen the worth in such short-term objectives.
Who cares about the happiness or distraction that’ll last a night if I’ll just wake up sad again tomorrow?
Instead, I have learned to cope in ways that I believe propel me forward in life, no matter how slow they seem in a world full of instant. Instant replies, instant validation, instant gratification. It is addicitive, and it is extremely important to learn to live without, no matter how long that takes. At least, in my humble, unprofessional opinion.
I’ll make a separate post on coping mechanisms, so let me get back to the point. I have never been able to find meaning within the short term. It may be the way I was raised or the experiences I’ve had, regardless of the root cause, I have always found meaning in longevity.
Whether it be in regard to propelling myself forward with education, fostering deep friendships, or only investing in relationships that I see with the end goal of marriage, I work towards my long-term objectives all the time.
I guess even writing this I am coming to realize where the meaning in my life lies. Even on days when nothing makes sense, somehow still I live for the potential that one day everything will come together and that the meaning I worked so hard to create will finally be present in my day-to-day life. For now, I am okay with glimpses of meaning found within laughter, exploration, and new friends. Life’s meaning to me has always been found in connection to others and in being able to help. I’m learning to work towards this fulfillment without placing the burden on other people of having to reciprocate. The people meant to stick around will, and the thought of that is enough for me.
